you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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