I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
