my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
