her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and she was petting her beer can
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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