It's like God shit irony all over that family
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize