That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
