We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize