Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
