I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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