I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
