i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
