This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
