hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
