love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
