her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
