omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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