You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
