LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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