On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
