Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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