The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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