Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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(541): View more from Oregon

we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

Fav 24 7707 1093
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted

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(503): View more from Oregon

this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

(541): View more from Oregon

dude.

(503): View more from Oregon

yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

(708): View more from Illinois

May it rest in peace.

Fav 17 4944 1781
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(313): View more from Michigan

Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.

Fav 8 1318 3291
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(716): View more from New York

He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt

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(571): View more from Virginia

Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.

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