so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
