i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
