Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
