I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
