if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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