i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize