allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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