Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
