But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
