I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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