i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
