She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize