He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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