booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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