can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
