girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
