Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
