Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
