WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
