I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
