smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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