Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ttyl tear gas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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