I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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