I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
