grandma shit on top of the toilet
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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