Michael Bay diarrhea
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
