I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
