my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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