I wish my penis had an off switch
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
