saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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