Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
