so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
