I want to have your abortion
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
