Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Too much gin, very little bucket
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
