Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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