Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Are you okay?

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

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(281): View more from Texas

Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry

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(585): View more from New York

"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."

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(804): View more from Virginia

what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I smell like beef jerky

(618): View more from Illinois

That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.

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