I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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