I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
