Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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