I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
