i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
