And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
