Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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