Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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