I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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