do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
