So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
