I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize