They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
