im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
