So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
