we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
