i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
