I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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