Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
